My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
