you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
