i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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