Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
