UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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