Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
