She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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