we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
