We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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