So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize