apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
