I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize