Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
