He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
