I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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