All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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