i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
