Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
