carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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