is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
