I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
