we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
