Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
