Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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