so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
