In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
