Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
