So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
