Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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