how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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