Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
