"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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