is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
