Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
