then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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