he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
