I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
