I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
