he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
