Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
