She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
