Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
