when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize