You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
