You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
