As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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