I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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