He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
