I am puke
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i love accidental penises.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
