Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t yaâ€
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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