He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
