If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
