I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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