She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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