i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
