It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
