Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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