Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
