watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
