I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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