So drunk its hurt
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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