does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
