Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
