Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
