i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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