That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
