She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
