worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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