By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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