she was so not down for the gang bang
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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