return my video game
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am available for nakedness
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
