Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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