I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
