New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize