i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
