member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
