He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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