I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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