well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
