why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
