People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
