I can't breathe out the right side of my face
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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