I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
