True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
