but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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