I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
