White coat. Heels.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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