My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
