we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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